COLLEGE FOOTBALL

The Angel of sports came down late at night and struck me with his glowing sword and spaketh thus: Fixeth College Football, and do it now! So with this supreme mandate, I awoke and became the king of the new NCAA (with enhanced powers and professionalized staff) and decreed some changes in the college football world.

1: There would now be eight Division One conferences, each with sixteen teams, with two divisions and a championship playoff each. There would be a corresponding Division 2, also with eight conferences. Every five years each upper conference could decide to drop one team and add one team from the lower division, should one want to make the leap. If no Div 2 team opted to join the upper division, the scheduled dropped team would be allowed to stay. There no longer would be any "independent" teams.

2: Conference winners would enter a playoff for the national championship. Bowl games not tied into this system would get to pick non-playoff teams.

3: Division 1 teams cannot play lower-division teams any more, period. Each team would have to play ten games within their conference, leaving two outside games.

4: Schools would be penalized for Heisman (or any other) promotional campaigns; all watch lists would be abandoned until the month of November. No awards could be granted until the end of the season (perhaps the end of the regular season).

5: Division 1 teams can grant 40 scholarships per year, 120 overall. That would be the size of the squad, period. No walk-ons or practice squads (schools could allow tryouts). Additional spots allowed in incoming freshman class based on number of juniors who left school early to go pro.

6: Agents who approach student athletes can be shot on sight.

7: Boosters caught illegally participating in the recruitment/retention process can be exiled for ten years to Wyoming (unless they are from Wyoming, whereupon they will be sent to New Jersey).

8: 10% of annual NFL profits would be pooled and used to fund Division 2 schools to soften the loss of beat-down sacrificial games that humble young athletes in order to fund programs (and since everyone knows the NFL has been the beneficiary of a free training league, unlike other sports, such as baseball, hockey, basketball, etc.)

9: Coaches found cheating would be drawn and quartered, preferably after being fired and during the halftime show of first home game.

10: Div 1 & 2 players could not opt for professional play until their junior year. Students must carry 2.0 average in standard academic classes (no more fake or gimmee classes) approved by a scholastic committee and applied to all schools; failure to do so means suspension from play and probationary period. If a student fails out (or is dropped for disciplinary reasons), they cannot go pro until what would have been their junior year. Hey, there has to be a penalty for poor behavior.

11: No recruitment allowed of junior high, or freshman and sophomore HS players. Period. Any contact with these players could result in penalties against college teams. See rules on boosters.

12: Players who played in any professional sport, would not be allowed to play Div 1 or 2 football. Too much unfair advantage. Players who opted to join the military service and are over age 23, cannot play Div 1 & 2 ball. They can go pro. They made a choice and should be honored for it, but it is often a competitive disadvantage for older players to suit up against younger ones.

13: Maximum salaries and bonus-schedules for coaches would be established by the new NCAA and enforced.

14: I banish all individual television contracts with conferences. Weekly games will be apportioned by lottery to broadcast outlets. Weekly profits to be apportioned evenly to all teams, with some incentives to winning teams.


Protection of the players and providing for their education would be paramount. Athletes that do not want to attend school can go pro.