An intrepid reporter from TMZ, Ms. Pappi Razzi, through an unnamed source (allegedly with the initials S. R.), has obtained a shocking and disturbing document that the entertainment blog claims refers to mega-star Alana Thompson. The source says the document was recovered from a stash hidden in the walls of a local Miami hotel, a seedy bed of corruption and criminality, strongly believed to be the lair of a drug kingpin and flesh peddler known only as "The Little Lion." During a raid by Miami Metro, headed by Dexter, hundreds of incriminating items were confiscated and stored in evidence, should the underworld boss ever be captured. Almost nothing is known about this elusive player, though rumors have it he is recognizable by his long silky locks. and supposedly has dens of iniquity all up the Eastern Seaboard. Some believe his criminal empire is headquartered in New York, and that his nefarious dealings are managed and protected by a mysterious computer genius; others claim he is the dealer of choice for basketball stars (such as L. O.). Devoted fans of the diminuitive entertainment darling, the biggest thing on the screen since Shirley Temple (for fans of the Disney channel, look it up), were stunned today with news of a possible connection between their sultry star and the dark underbowels of southern Florida. We at TMZ believe it is a service to release the following deeply dark and disturbing literature to the public, verbatim:
ODE TO HBB, OR, COME HITHER MY PADGEANT PRINCESS
By D.D.R. (also known as the Himalaya Playa)
Here she comes, my H. Boo Boo,
Golden locks, unkempt hairdo,
She be young, but she got money,
which is why I call her Honey.
Mistress does not like her much,
But I cannot resist her touch,
Those pudgy arms, her full cheeks,
Time with her is what I seeks.
I cannot figure out her talk,
who needs that, when I can walk
over to tube and see her fans,
most people do not understands.
But I know love, so let me be,
One day you all will truly see,
I will be firm, and never budge,
So, bout me, you shouldn’t judge!
I love my Indian so spicy,
So for now I’ll just be nicey,
Yes, my gal is quite precocious,
but her love is furry ferocious.
Some may call me a “feline pimp”
Or "cool cat with gangsta limp,"
but she won’t give you any time,
My H. Boo Boo. . .she’s all mine!